Classes and Quotes (thus far)
MUS 10 – Introduction to Musical Literature with D. Kern Holoman (the UCD Symphony Orchestra conductor)
“Never touch, talk, look, taste anything while music is playing!” What about listening?
“Tender, warm, and juicy. A good happy sonata is like a good steak. How many of you are ag students?”
“Your daddy’s rich and your mama’s good looking la la la. Now it’s the other way around these days, huh. Working mothers and metrosexuals…”
“Ipods. They’re so CUTE!”
“It’s even better live!”
“Now, I’m not supposed to tell you about these things, but… I have a wee little flash drive in my pocket…”
Alpha Gamma Omega became “Alpha Hoosie Whatsis”
“What? You don’t know Three Blind Mice? Okay, THAT’s gonna be on the final…”
“Going to concerts is kinda like church… worshiping at the feet of dead white Europeans anyway…”
“A musical movement, despite your opinion so gently formed by this class, is NOT analogous to a bowel movement.”
“Beethoven’s 5th Symphony, 1st movement, is characterized by hammering titties. No! Hammering tutus. Oh shit. Wait. Dammit. I mean Hammering Tuttis! When the whole orchestra blows together! Wow, this is just going downhill isn’t it.”
“You haven’t had a proper breakfast? Here, have a bite-sized piece of refined sugar.”
“Now now, don’t go pestering the poor librarians about the MP3s… we’re not allowed to say anything about them. Besides, we’re still trying to switch all our music over to CD from phonograph…”
COM 6 – Comparative Literature: Myths and Legends with W. Scott McLean
“That cool li’l character, the green frog. No, not Kermit! The one in Star Wars with the bat ears… Yoda!”
“Luke goes into the cave and kills Vader. The severed head starts to look like his. He goes ‘whoa, I’m beside myself. I hope I’m beside myself. Otherwise I’m dead…’ and the Yoda dude goes ‘you take nothing in there but what you bring with you’ and I’m like ‘that’s really deep. That’s like life, you know.’ “
“I have an Ewok bear. I don’t sleep with it. I’ve thought about sleeping with it…”
“The fuzzy ewok dudes, they worship the robot. The golden technocrat.”
“You couldn’t have a conversation with your favorite old author. They’d be tripping out.”
“I come in with my language and I pour it all over you like a gas can… it’s KABOOM bye bye culture!”
“You don’t need the apple and Eden and all to tell you what’s good and bad. It’s obvious. I put a blender up here, plug it in, pour a bunch of hamsters in it and turn it on… that’s evil. Pretty obvious, right?”
“Cloning sheep… that’s just not right.”
“It was like, Humbaba the Hutt in Gilgamesh!”
“Ooops there I go shutting off the light again… Only gods control the light! Fiat Lux!”
“There are so many great songwriters in my generation, we’re like the smartest greatest people to walk the face of the earth…”
“Covet your neighbor’s goods… Hey, that’s a nice ass you have there. Wait. Shit. Ummmmm….”
“Revelations… yeah. John had one helluvan acid trip…”
PHI 1 – Introduction to Philosophy with Josh Parsons
“The UC is a marvelous system, they’ve already got the final exams set at 8 AM December 15.”
“Plagiarism is the worst thing you can do on University grounds short of killing someone.”
“Philosophy is not a well-paying occupation.”
“I have in my hand a list of 100 celebrities with philosophy degrees.”
“Is two sheep a herd? Three?” And we call ourselves Aggies. Sheep go in flocks.
“So ‘a while’ is undefined. For instance, in a while we are going to take our final exam. Will it be curved?”
“My name is Tim. But most people call me… Tim.”
“Aristotle Aristotle was a fool for the bottle. Rene Descartes was a drunk old fart: I drink therefore I am.”
“I suspect your website problem arises from confusing the letter L with the number 1.”
“You know, Josh likes everything from San Francisco. Anchor Steam is from San Francisco. Therefore, Josh likes Anchor Steam.” – a sound and valid argument.
“We’re interested in arguments here, not autobiographies.”
“Everyone who likes Foster’s drinks at the G Street Pub. Josh drinks at the G Street Pub. Therefore, Josh likes Foster’s.” – neither sound nor valid. (sick face)
“You can carry on fighting the Good Fight and defending an argument, even if you’re an atheist and a theist duking it out over whether God exists… one of you is going to end up either converted or walking away.”
“The Philosophy Police won’t come looking to lock you up.”
“Increase your conversion stats!”
“If God doesn’t want suffering, why are there such boring lecturers? You Catholics are getting time off purgatory, right?”
My philosophy class is taught by Alfalfa from The Little Rascals.
“What causes God? We do.”
“Um. (mumble mumble)”
“In philosophy, everything comes down to one question. Why? Beer. Or, alternatively… Because.”
“God is Rube Goldberg.”
“So God’s responsible for all this. Who’s His lawyer?”
“God’s Cosmic Help Hotline: we answer your unanswerable questions. How? God.”
“God created the atheists and gave them free will… so God wants me not to believe in Him!”
on a bumper sticker yesterday: “Re-elect Gore”
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