Champin' at the Bit

1. I want real work to do on this YIG thing. I mean, I’m fine with typing up sheets and sheets of giant notes. I’m one of those weird people who actually enjoys it. Call me crazy. I’m ready to do some thinking on it (finally) instead of just musing about issues and barriers… I know what needs to be done, at least on a few items. We’re moving so slowly!

2. I’m getting ready to step away, step back. I don’t remember who it was, or which meeting we were running, but someone said that a primary problem for adults working with teens is the belief that they are responsible for the outcomes. I’ve been struggling with that lately, and it’s been especially a thorn with the Gray Area. It’s funny, but the YIG work and turning 21 have coincided enough that I’ve actually felt a change with the new age.

3. I’ve been feeling impatient with the people around me. My process of maturation seems to move in fits and starts. In some ways I’ve been an “adult thinker” since childhood, and in others I’m leaping it all at once… and suddenly I find myself relating differently to the world and my role in it. I see some of my peers as kids, others as fellow adults. Then I go to a different venue and the game shifts, making me the awkward one. It’s hard to find people whose minds run on the same timeline as mine.

4. I’m tired of being made to fit stereotypes, even when they’re created for people like me. I feel a strong pull on me from the Catholic domain, but I believe (and enjoy) some things too strongly to choose its benign dictatorship. I agree with many tenets of the environmental movement but that doesn’t mean I’m out there camping whenever I get the chance. I sympathize with vegetarians, but I’m still working on that omnivorous appetite.

5. Goals achieved: a couple of the projects I was leading have become autonomous. I’m not particularly needed right now, and I’m not sure I want to continue further. Taking one more step down that road to adulthood, I suppose. Leaving behind the things I used to do. I’m all the more certain that I need a break before I come back in an advisory role. Although I have deep concerns about some of the directions they’re taking, I think I need to separate myself from them.

I’m actually enjoying my classes so far. They’re not a chore yet. I’m on track to graduate in June ’06. Although I hate touching it, I have enough financial stability to see me through the next few years should things go absolutely wrong. I have conversations that engage me – hard to find on a regular basis. For once I have far too many books to read. I don’t think I’ve ever had that experience. 7 for McLean, 4 plus reader for Anthro, 3 for NAC 100, plus Latin. And about 7 of the Classic Fiction that I’ve eschewed for too long. I’m good for a few weeks, I think.

~ by jackelopette on April 6, 2005.

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